Sharing some of my thoughts of the past week seems to be a good way to work through a little of the sadness I feel at the loss of my dear friend, Patricia Kelley. It’s hard to believe that so many emotions could be packed into this one week since it was really only one week ago that I was struck with the fact that we were really going to have to say good-bye to Pat here on earth. Although she had been struggling with her disease for about 3 ½ years, still I always believed that she was going to win the struggle and be with us for some years yet. But maybe it was blindness and not wanting to believe – whatever, last weekend her condition grew worse, Monday she returned to her home under Hospice care, and on Tuesday she went to be received by the angels and her loving God.
I never had a blood sister, only brothers, but I feel like I had a close facsimile to a sister in Pat. Her entrance into my life came in 1964 when we met at Maryknoll after having spent our earlier years as Maryknoll Sisters in different parts of the country. Who knows what makes a friendship bloom, but ours did very quickly and strongly. I remember so many good times together during those early years, as we learned together and struggled through those tumultuous days of change in the church. We read the works of Teilhard de Chardin together, puzzling over what he was saying while somehow knowing that even in its obscurity it was important. Then she went to NYC for nursing and I to Manhattanville for music, and although we saw a little less of each other, still we remained very close. I remember my graduation recital at Manhattanville, and how she made the trip from NYC to be with me at that special occasion. As always she knew just the right touch, and brought me flowers – just a sign of her always present graciousness.
Then I went to Tanzania and she finished her degree. Her life took a different turn from mine at that point and I was devastated when she wrote to me that she was leaving Maryknoll. I nearly left myself at that point, but something kept me in while the same thing urged Pat onto a different path.
And fortunately even though our paths took different directions, we kept close in heart. We never lost that special connection. I’ve always been grateful that I’ve been blessed with many “homes” – farm home in North Dakota, Maryknoll Center, different places in Tanzania, and added to that was Pat’s home. I was always welcome, felt completely at home in her house; truly it was a home for me. Pat was the only “East Coast” friend who ever visited my farm home in North Dakota, and she did it twice! That meant so much to me, and was such a visible sign that Brooklyn and rural North Dakota have something in common.
I loved it when we were together and people commented that we must be sisters. First of all, I was extremely flattered because Pat was so beautiful. And maybe like couples grow to look like each other after a long time, our friendship made us resemble each other in some way that people saw.
Her generosity to me was outstanding. I won’t even try to enumerate the gifts, but my first major league baseball game and my first Broadway show were only two of the many experiences I had because of her generosity. And looking in my closet I can pull out this which was Pat’s and that which Pat gave me. She liked to get her nails done, and we went many times together and sat chatting while our feet got pampered. She was gracious to say that she wanted company, but don’t think that I didn’t enjoy it as much as she did.
Gentleness, graciousness, thoughtfulness, interest in so many things: These are just a few other lovely qualities that Pat had. She touched so many lives, through her work and her commitment to it as well as lots of people from very ordinary encounters. Her bravery during her illness was outstanding. She will be missed so much. Robert, her husband, is absolutely amazing and his care for her during her illness was an inspiration to many. She loved her boys so much and she is such an example of a loving mother. She was proud of them, and she had every right to be so. She so looked forward to her first grandchildren, and the twins shared just a little more than a month of time on earth with their grandmother.
During these last couple of days of her wake and funeral mass I’ve been constantly thinking about all those who loved her so much and the rituals connected with saying goodbye to her. I have been living in two spaces: bodily I’m here in Dodoma but mentally and emotionally I’m in New Jersey. I’m so grateful to Pat’s loved ones who have kept closely in touch during these days. That means so much to me.
Although we are saying farewell to Patricia as we knew her, she remains with us in so many other ways. Her loving spirit is part of our lives, a part that will never die, and so gratitude is so strongly connected with sadness right now. Thank you, Pat, for sharing your life with me.
